Following the Northern Star... to a new platform!

Yep, so it's time for this blog to move house.

I've used blogger for a really long time now, but I think Wordpress is a better platform and allows my readers to interact with me better. Please on over to the new page right here where you can see all the old posts (I wasn't prepared to move if I couldn't import everything) and sign up for e-mail alerts to be reminded when I post new ones :)

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Fellowship, and what that really is.

Two blogs in one night, eh?

I feel like it's only fair that I write this one, that I say some good things about Northern Ireland. I think I talk a lot about this place as if it's awful and that I hate it; I can assure you that I don't.

Over the past ten days I have spent time with a lot of amazing people and they've shared their wisdom with me. In Stirling I spent 99.9% of my time with people who were students, but upon coming home I've spent time with people who finished university last year, or a few years ago, people who are in full-time work, people doing church internships, people living off benefits and trying to find a job, people who are far older and wiser than I am.


Within ten days I have had conversations with people, whether they be family or friends, that have challenged me and made me reconsider some of my choices.

That is true fellowship.

I have an amazing support system in this country and they have already encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone.

I may not have twenty people in my house every night but sometimes life isn't like that.

My footing is still a little shaky, it'll be like that for a while, but eventually I'll be standing strong here again, simply because God is good.

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Evangelism, and how it's incredibly relational.

I had coffee with a friend this morning and, in between his successful attempts to wind me up, we had some good chats about Christianity in Northern Ireland.

I think the problem is that people don't really know what it means to evangelise. I think they forget that it's a relational thing, and that just handing out gospel tracts to people on the street isn't any where near enough, and I think they forget that Jesus truly invested time in people and didn't just spend five minutes telling them how great God was and then forget about them. It's all well and good to pray for the people who you chat with, but Jesus didn't encourage people to follow Him by having a nice chat with them, not even coming close to scratching the surface, and then going off on His own and praying for them.

I remember when I was fifteen and I went to a youth event called Mannafest. They'd talk about how broken Northern Ireland was because of the troubles, because of all the bitterness that was festering within the country ever since the 1980s. Northern Ireland, like every other country in the world that calls itself "Christian" (I still have no idea what a "Christian country" is), has this great ability to constantly talk about all it's problems rather than just loving people. We spend so much money on events like Mannafest and Summer Madness, where we get together as Christians to listen to people tell us about all our flaws and how much we need to change, rather than just getting together in our own communities on a daily basis and loving each other and the people who don't share our beliefs. That's the problem; that we don't love, we just talk.

It's not easy to be a Christian in Northern Ireland, that's for sure, not the sort of Christian who chooses to get up every day and truly die to themselves and really love people. It's almost cool to be a Christian here, to hold doors open for old people and turn up to church every Sunday, because that's what being a real Christian is, right?

I didn't become a Christian because someone handed me a gospel tract on the street, and none of the people who I know who became Christians during my four years in Stirling made that choice because of a chance meeting with a member of the CU that lasted for all of five minutes. We became Christians because people showed us love, because they invested time in us. Sometimes we'll invest more than time, we'll invest money and we'll miss out on sleep and we'll have to move things around a little bit, but this life isn't about us.

Following Christ isn't about me getting what I want; it's about doing everything for the glory of God.

Most of all, I fear for those who are lukewarm. Not to get all preachy on you, but Revelation 3:15-16 (NIV) says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." God would prefer us to not believe at all than to be in the middle, He would prefer to have one person whose heart truly burned with passion for him than a hundred who did nothing about their faith other than say "Oh, yeah, I believe in God" whenever someone asked them if they were "religious" (a term I'm not a fan of).  I fear for the people in this country who think that is enough. Jesus didn't die the most painful death known to man so we could be comfortable in the fact that we believe He existed, He died so we wouldn't be alone when we chose to take up our cross and follow Him, He died so we could be free and safe in Him, so we could step our of comfort zones and know we didn't have to be afraid.

I can't imagine how much it breaks Jesus' heart to think about how He did that, how He suffered the most excruciating pain when He could have just clicked His fingers and have all of us know exactly who He was, how He showed us that much love, an insane, crazy love, and then watch as we completely take it for granted. 


I don't know where I'll be six months from now. Currently, I'd love to be back in Scotland, but if my passion for this topic grows and God tells me it's time to start calling Northern Ireland home again, I want to do that.

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Church search, and why it's hard.

A while ago, before leaving Stirling, I realised I would need to find a good church community in Northern Ireland because I knew I would be here for a while. To say I was apprehensive was putting it lightly; living in Stirling for four years has had me spoilt by the fact that, in most churches, the majority of the congregation really and truly want to be there. Scotland needs God and the few who realise this seem to run to Him with aching hearts, truly knowing He is what they're looking for. I knew very few people who were on the fence, who weren't really set in their beliefs and who didn't want to be doing everything they could to get involved in a church community.

I'm not saying Scotland is some sort of perfect land of milk and honey, or that the church I was a part of had it all right, but I believe that what it did have was authenticity. I believe that the people I saw there on Sunday's truly wanted to be there and had a fire burning within them that I just haven't seen here yet.

This morning I went to a new church, and after a reasonable amount of people had filed in through the door and the minister had said good morning I felt quite underwhelmed. Firstly, the children weren't included in any part of the service. I think it's so important that they are a part of the body of the Church from the very start of their lives, and not just sent off to a hall before the service starts. After all, Jesus said "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Luke 17:18) We need to learn from children and I think they should be made to feel a part of the body from as young as possible. Plus, it totally loosens up the congregation to get them all involved in silly action songs (which actually hold a lot of really important meaning). The worship band was great but as I looked around I saw very few people singing or even looking like they wanted to sing; music is an incredibly important part of worship for me and it's hard to do that passionately when the people around you are apathetic. We're meant to be a community, a family, and we need to be encouraging each other. The sermon was nice; yes, nice. The intentions were good but it was everything I'd already read by authors like Francis Chan and Philip Yancey, but not nearly as in-depth. I also felt that, after reading out the relevant passage, the speaker hardly ever referenced it again or made any other references to other areas of the Bible; how are you encouraging your congregation to read their Bibles more if you spend little time doing this from the pulpit?

It was comfortable; I'm not looking for comfortable.

I'm looking for a sermon that makes me question how I'm living, that makes me wonder more about God, that makes me realise that, as I learn more, He gets bigger and I get smaller and smaller. I think the problem in Northern Ireland is that people have become very comfortable. We call ourselves a "Christian country" (whatever that means) but what we really have are good values; that isn't Christianity. We might give the most to charity out of all four countries in the UK but what is that when we're not pushing ourselves in our faith, really delving deeper into the gospel of Jesus and challenging ourselves to learn more about Him, putting ourselves in situations that we don't necessarily want to be in?

I think the sad fact is that we've lost our authenticity. The only reason I am where I am with God right now is because I got completely thrown out of my comfort zone and made a lot of bad choices because I was so afraid and lost; I was lifted out of this tiny country, where I was able to go to church with my parents and not really get to know anyone, and set into one where I had to put in all the effort I had to meet Christians. It was in that place where I fell head over heels in love with Jesus, where I realised my faith was not one of "pick 'n' mix", but entirely one of "all or nothing". I discovered that I simply couldn't live without God, that it would be entirely impossible to make any sort of move without Him, without the support of His body. I'm not saying everyone in Northern Ireland has a useless, weak faith, because I have plenty of friends and family members who are truly in love with God who've lived here their whole lives and that's brilliant. But there are so many churches here that it's easy to just pick one and stick with it, whether or not you really see it doing anything in your life or aiding you in your walk with God, and this ends in churches full of inauthentic faith; it makes me really sad.

I doubt that everyone in the church was thinking the same as me, after all I was sitting beside a woman who'd been a member for fifteen years, and I'm not saying that I'm better than this church or that I'm too smart for their teaching, and I also doubt that the sermon was wasted on everyone (there were probably plenty who needed to hear it), but it just wasn't the place for me. I want to go somewhere that I can truly see and feel the Holy Spirit moving, a church where people are truly passionate about the God they say they worship.

All prayers towards me finding a good church home would be appreciated.

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The little things, and how they make the big, scary things better.

Since coming home I've been pretty worried about money. As I'm currently unemployed and can't get a job until at least October I've been a bit nervous about the whole thing but God's really been answering my prayers. Whether that be in my parents giving me money for the train or friends unexpectedly paying for my coffee or sharing their tray bake with me, it's been so nice. The little things all add up so quickly, but it hasn't just been the little things.

Today I bought a bike.

Originally I'd given myself a budget of £150 and hadn't even thought about second hand, but a few pals told me definitely not to get a new one and suggested places to find decent second hand ones. I managed to get a really good one for an amazing price and tonight I had some cycle banter with a good friend.

But the best part? I didn't even pay for it myself.

I have a great Gran. Myself, my brother and my cousins are all in our twenties but she still saves "pocket money" for us, and today, totally unexpectedly, she gave me more than enough money to cover the cost of the bike. I was kind of over the moon.

I prayed about getting a bike but was sort of afraid God would think it was one of those shallow prayers along the same lines as a kid asking Him for an X Box. But I guess my reasoning was pretty legitimate; I can't drive, I went to keep fit, and I want to gain more independence before real life really starts.

Even tonight He used the bike to encourage me to trust in Him even more. My friend and I cycled to Groomsport, a village about 2 miles away from where I live. On the way there my foot kept cramping up and there were a few shaky moments when I was worried I was a bit screwed. My footwear choice was most definitely the problem, but I couldn't change that before getting home again. So after a bit of a break in Groomsport we started to cycle home and I prayed for a wee bit, and y' know what? "The foot" (as I kept calling it) was 100% fine, didn't cramp up once. On top of that I had a lovely chat with my pal while we were sitting waiting for "the foot" to sort itself out.

Things in N.Ireland are certainly getting better and God is in all of it. June should be a good month :)

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Plans, and how we have options.

It's currently 9:11 am and I have been awake for approximately 56 minutes.

Life is so truly beautiful at the minute. Today is the first day in which a large part of my day, the morning, has been free and open for me to just hang out and do nothing. Tomorrow, packing to move back to Northern Ireland for a little while begins, but this morning I get to just chill.

Last year, if I'd stayed in Stirling for an extra 16 days after finishing, I know that my life would've been a lot more dull and the people I spent time with would've been a lot less beneficial to my life. But the past two weeks have been so busy and so full of amazing fellowship. There hasn't been a single day which hasn't been full of plans. I've been so busy that I've only just noticed the massive patch of beautiful blue flowers that have sprung up outside my window!

And I've liked it like this. I've liked that God has made my life completely busy and crazy because it's helping me to say goodbye, it's stopping me from sitting and being sad about leaving, it's like the last hurrah for student life.

The past four years have been privileged in that I've known exactly what was coming up when each one ended; but this year I don't know what's coming up in September. I don't have a job lined up or, currently, any big plans set in stone.

But I'm working on it; and because of that I can safely say God has got this. Too many people think that if you just wait around God will drop plans into your lap, but this isn't the case. Yesterday on Twitter, Donald Miller posted this:

People who believe God has a distinct plan for their lives may simply fear the responsibility of shared agency. He is not a dictator.

For a long time now I have very much believed that God gives us different paths to choose from in each situation in life. Some of these paths will be in dark valleys while others will be on mountain tops, but, either way, he will use them for good. There are so many things I could do with my life after university but whatever I choose, God will work within those plans. 

I'm excited for this. I'm excited about the fact that God knows my options, and where I'm going, and that it's all set out already, I just need to find it.

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Jesus, how He is our hiding place, and rejoicing always.

When our hearts hurt it's easy to be angry with God but I think, for the first time, I don't want to do that; I did not choose God, He chose me, which means that His love is true and real. I'm the broken one, the messy one, the inherently sinful one, and yet He still loves me. In the midst of this storm He is the calm, He is my hiding place, He is the eagle wrapping its great wings around me, covering me in His love.

He is the only constant thing in my life, He is my steady, faithful companion. Humans come and go; some stay for a long time, while others disappear after just a few days, but He is always there, always chasing after us, calling us back to Him when we stray too far. He is the reason I got out of bed this morning and the reason that I will do the same tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

He is the reason that I will "rejoice always" (Thessalonians 5:16) and He is the only one who can truly bring me through this and eventually make my heart light again; I am head over heels in love with Him and He feels the same about me, if not more so. Clinging to Him at this time will make me a stronger, more well-rounded, better person, someone who does not need to trust in humans to get through the tough stuff but who truly knows what it is to cling to their Saviour.

I don't like heartache, but I like Jesus an awful lot and I think He's got this one sorted already. All I need now is some time.

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Dumyat, hiking, and new life.

This morning I hiked up Dumyat at sunrise with some of the best people I know. Dumyat is one of the Ochil Hills and I'd wanted to go for a wander up it for ages now and was kind of just waiting for spring to roll around so we wouldn't freeze to death while doing so. While we froze a little bit, we definitely didn't die. We had some amazing worship, thanks to two of the guys who happily agreed to bring their guitars, and the fellowship was just amazing. It was definitely one of the best things to do before leaving Stirling as it symbolises massively to me how much I've changed in the past four years. 

In first year we had an amazing view from our kitchen of the Ochils and I'd frequently sit on our windowsill (which was a reasonable size) in the morning, sometimes with my Bible, and just stare at God's creation. I was crazy; all I wanted in life was to party and drink, and now I have no idea how I got to that point.

Upon arriving home today I realised that very little in my worldly life would live up to the great joy I had felt while worshipping on Dumyat. At one point I was standing, bracing the harsh, cold winds, with my hands in my armpits to try and get some feeling back into them, jumping up and down saying, "I'm so happy! Actually, no, I'm joyful!" No amount of alcohol or partying ever made me feel like that. 

I am truly a new creation in Christ. 

I am the luckiest girl in the world and I am loved by the greatest God. 

When I was eighteen you would never have caught me going for a walk before 9:00 am, never mind a hike at sunrise. I got out of bed at 2:25 am after failing miserably to fall asleep because I was so excited, and did a round of texts and a few wake up calls. It was brilliant and exciting. The first time I suggested going at sunrise to my friend, Silje, I wasn't even entirely serious because I didn't think anyone else would be up for it; praise Jesus that they were. To find six people who were perfectly willing to join me on this crazy adventure (and it truly was an adventure) makes my heart so happy. 

I have found something amazing in Stirling and I'm sad that it has to come to an end, but God has big plans for me. Here's hoping they'll be back in this beautiful city, but we'll just have to wait and see.

A list, and positive thoughts.

I'm currently trying to come to terms with the fact that in less than two weeks I have to leave beautiful Scotland and head back to Northern Ireland. After this I will have a month before I head to California for six weeks and I need to fill that month. So, thanks to one of my fellow bloggers over at Cath Loves, I'm going to make a list of the things I wish to do in the time that I'm home, because who doesn't love a good list?

1. Read the Lord of the Rings. Yes, yes, I realise there's three massive books in the trilogy, so this basically means read as much as I possibly can in the time that I have.
2. Read the first Game of Thrones book. Again, I realise that the Fellowship of the Ring will take me a decent amount of time, so this will possibly be read after that, and before the next two LOTR books, unless I'm really pumped up for those after the first. We shall see. Basically, the first two should just be encompassed into "READ".
3. Weather permitting, go for a morning run at least every other day (I'm lucky enough to live incredibly close to a beach - it'll be just like Chariots of Fire!).
4. Grow things. I'm a big fan of gardening and would love to get stuck into it again. I may try and grow a tomato plant or two, we shall see.
5. Read the Bible every day and pray lots.
6. See my friends as much as possible. Old friends, new friends, friends from nearby, friends from far away... just don't let myself believe that there aren't people at home who love me because there are. Stirling isn't my only support system.
7. Work on the book everyday; even if I write no more than 250 words at a time, just make progress.
8. Get stuck into church. I have a great one in mind, and I need to start being independent enough to go without the parental unit or I'll never really get involved.
9. Cook for the fam lots. I love both, so why not?
10. Write letters to amazing people.
11. Bake things and mail it to amazing people.
12. Don't sit on my bum watching bad TV and refreshing Facebook/Tumblr/Twitter. None of these things will get me any were or make me feel any better about being in N.Ireland.

I'm pretty scared of home because it brings up the past, but I know God has got me, and He's got this, and He's going to change that. If I go home feeling negative about it it's going to be awful, but if I can be even a little bit positive it'll be grand.

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Identity, unemployment, and ALWAYS being a child of God.

Today is a brilliant beyond brilliant day.

The wind is blowing, the rain is falling, I'm drinking tea, wearing my big sweatpants and a comfy hoodie, listening to the P.S. I Love You score, and Scotland is being as Scottish as ever. Church this morning was great and fellowship over lunch with some of my fellow-students was lovely. Today I am 100% content and it's the nicest feeling in the world.

This morning a friend and I were talking about the whole "unemployment" bandwagon we're about to become a part of. It's a strange concept, after having either been on the "pupil" or "student" bandwagon for around eighteen years. The world is truly wide open to be explored and that's exciting. But it is a strange thing to finally be coming into contact with. I was a little scared of it for about a week or so, but then I started to think of myself, and rightly so, as a daughter of God. It doesn't matter if I'm in or out of work, that is the identity that I always want to possess.

1 John 3:1
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
(NIV)


No matter where we are in life, no matter what we're doing, or who we're with, we are always walking with God; our lives should always be missional. We are always His, even when we have no one left in the world, He still holds us in His arms and He looks upon us with a face of love. Don't ever doubt that, not even when your world is falling apart, because it is just true. His love for You is never ending and beautiful.

Romans 8:17
"Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."
(NIV)

By being His child we don't just experience a little bit of the pain that Christ suffered, but we also experience the wonderful blessings. We may struggle to find a job but God will bring us something good, and we may struggle in our job, but God will give us the strength to tackle it; He will never leave our side. We are so safe in Him. Even when, like today, the wind blows and the rain pours, He is our shelter, our hiding place. He calms our hearts and our souls and gives us exactly what we need.

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My Book, and an extract from chapter one.

"Driving along the A9 to the far end of Bridge of Allan, a quaint yet cosmopolitan little village on the edge of Stirling, you come to a gap in the trees and, right before your eyes, are Stirling Castle, the Wallace Monument, and the Ochil Hills, standing proudly in a line.  At the start of my first year I was a bit terrified by this; Stirling was big and intimidating, it had once been a capital city where battles were fought, but most of all it was new. However, on every journey back in the three years after this, I would get excited as we drove along the road, making sure I was wide awake for this scene to once again stand right before my eyes. The city of Stirling had well and truly become home, and I would shed a few happy tears before realising I had to spend the next week unpacking and then, once again, go back to lectures and seminars and generally get bogged down in all the boring things that university brings. But I’ve never gotten over the true beauty of this place. The campus is gorgeous: right at its centre is a loch (man made but still stunning, nonetheless) full of swans and ducks, there’s little rabbits all over campus and once, in my final year, I even spotted a weasel and a few deer. You think that nothing beats Stirling in autumn, when the whole campus glows an orangey, gold colour, until you see it in spring when everything starts to grow again and all the bluebells and daffodils come out, and everywhere you go you see baby rabbits scampering around, and the loch brings delights such as nesting swans and ducklings..." 

This is the start of my book, the beginning. I'm excited for it, terrified but excited. So far I'm struggling because I'm so used to writing short blogs, but I think my dissertation has actually prepared me quite well to write something longer than a blog post.

I ask that you pray that my passion for this won't die out, that I'll be consistent and that I'll write coherently and clearly.

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Being angry with God, and why it's pointless.

I should be finishing up my dissertation but I wanted to quickly write something, to encourage myself and anyone else who needs it.

I think we need to stop thinking that just because people can quote Bible verses or wear the right clothes or be popular that they have it all together. I think we need to start realising that everyone is broken, and everyone has their trials, and that everyone's heart has been torn to shreds countless times.

I am not alone in my brokenness and I can be fixed, but only by Jesus, and no matter how much I run from that it doesn't make it any less true. Being angry with Him won't make life any easier, yelling at Him won't piece my heart back together.

I'm surrounded by some amazing people, and a lot of them have prayed for me over the past week, and without that prayer I might be in a far worse place than I am now. Fellowship (and if that word scares you lets just call it friendship or community) is the best thing in the world and I know that if I was in the same position as I am now, a year ago, things wouldn't quite be going the way they are today.

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Pain, and why it's not really that bad.

Human hearts were made to feel pain.
It sounds horrible, doesn't it? But it's not.

When God created man He made us in His image, He made us to reflect Him, and He gave us emotions. He wanted us to feel joy, but to do that He had to allow us to feel pain. Compassion wouldn't exist without suffering. And, on the cross, He felt the ultimate pain, something none of us would ever feel; He was completely separated from His Father.

The pain that we will feel in life is just a tiny reflection of what Jesus felt on the cross.
Things may be tough now, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to be totally separated from God, with no option to grab hold of Him again, knowing that He had completely let go of me.

Time will heal this, it always does. I will be fine.
The devil will eventually see that there's no point in continuing to try and harm me, the wound will heal, and my heart will no longer be heavy, because I have Jesus.

And that is all that truly matters.

Any and all prayers are appreciated.

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The Bible, trying to figure out how on earth we actually apply it to our lives, and trusting in community.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

I posted this Bible verse as a tweet a few days ago but, when talking to a friend about it, I began to realise that I actually have no idea how to do this. How do we guard our hearts? How do we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to love people, but yet not let them totally tear us down every time they do something that doesn't make us happy?

I should probably let you know now that this isn't one of those blog posts in which I have some great revelation on how to do this because, quite frankly, I'm completely baffled at this concept.

I'd really like your input (via Facebook, in a comment here, or vie email - mbaraniuk@hotmail.co.uk), I'd really like the thoughts and ideas of my readers because, as someone who is part of a community, part of the body of Christ, I know how important it is to ask other believers what they think.

So, how do we apply the Bible to our lives (in particular, the verse stated above)? How do we not let the world get to us while remaining focused on God?

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The past, and why it needs to stay in the past

"Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?

Is there any way to be made whole again?

If I'm healed, renewed, and find forgiveness,

Find the strength I've never had,

Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Is He not strong enough?

Is He not pure enough?

To break me, pour me out, and start again.

Is He not brave enough?

To take one chance on me,

Please can I have one change to start again?

He took my life into His hands and turned it all around,

In my most desperate circumstance,

It's there I've finally found...

That You are strong enough,

That You are pure enough,

To break me, pour me out and start again.

That You are brave enough,

To take one chance on me,

Oh, thank You for my chance to start again."

- Stacie Orrico, Strong Enough.

In my first three semesters of university I was crazy. I partied and drank all the time (on a few occasions I couldn't stand), I had no passion for anything other than going out to clubs and getting absolutely plastered. Whenever we weren't drinking I'd be thinking about the next time we would, because everything else in my life was falling to pieces and it seemed to be the only thing making me feel better. But it was temporary and only numbed the pain for a little while. I'd go out and flirt with countless men, but usually not taking it any further because I knew how sleazy they all were. One night I'd drank so much I threw up on the way home and cried at my friend because I was so lonely.  I always cry when I'm sick, but there was something so broken in this. 

This was three years ago now, but somehow the wound has reopened and salt is being poured in.

I think dreams are incredibly important; they have the ability to change our outlook on life for days, sometimes even weeks and months. Last night, after a few days of trying to push my past to the back of my mind, I had a dream about something from my past. It wasn't a massive part of the dream, but it's clearly been enough to make everything sting, to make all my scars visible again. I know the devil is trying so hard to ruin my last four weeks in Stirling, to make it seem as if I'm still broken and unclean and that all my purity and innocence that God has worked so hard on has all been stripped away again.

The song I've quoted above is one I've loved since I was about thirteen years old. Back then, little did I know that those words would still mean so much to me at twenty-two. You see, I can spend all the time I want wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, trying to think about how I've changed, and how I'm different; but that's not really important. 

What's really important is the truth, and the truth is that I'm changed, I'm forgiven, I'm beautiful, I'm pure, I'm innocent, and most of all I'm loved. I'm loved by my Creator with an everlasting love that says the past is irrelevant and unimportant.

And the more that I keep telling myself that, that I keep focused on that, the less I'll worry about the past, the less I'll worry about who I was, because that is not who I am any more! 

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

(NIV)

I am completely new in Christ and no dream (which was really only a work of my sub conscious, not of God) can change that because no dream can change the truth, and the truth is that the old has gone! 

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Writing a book, and why I think I'm going to go for it

I'm thinking of writing a book.

I had this idea back in second year, when I thought university would last forever and that student life would never end. Finally, I'm almost at the end and I'm wondering if it's time to start putting my ideas together.

I want to write about the past four years of my life, I want to tell people that student life with Jesus isn't easy but that it's incredibly worth it, that it gets scary but He's always there, and that it's damn good fun (but probably in more (and better) words).

I've seen so many books about student life as a Christian written by people who finished university a million years ago, people who never ended up living a crazy party life, people who went straight into their Christian Union and Church and who were sorted from day one. But university life isn't like that for so many people. It can be really scary and trying and terribly painful at times.

I think this book will involve me being incredibly honest about the life I lived at university, about the crazy things I did and the terrible situations I got myself in to; but I'm okay with that. I think we live in a society that hides all its problems and pretends like it's fine when it's actually torn in two.

I'll make sure to keep you updated.

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The fact that God likes us, and why that's better than it sounds

"I think the difference in my life came when I realised, after reading those Gospels, that Jesus didn't just love me out of principle' He didn't just love me because it was the right thing to do. Rather, there was something inside me that caused Him to love me. I think I realised that if I walked up to His campfire, He would ask me to sit down, and He would ask me my story. He would take the time to listen to my ramblings or my anger until I could calm down, and then He would look me directly in the eye, and He would speak to me; He would tell me the truth, and I would sense in His voice and on the lines on His face that He liked me." - Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz (p.258)

I'm currently studying a book called King's Cross by Timothy Keller with my good friend, Caitlin. This morning we met up in town to discuss the two chapter's we'd read through this week and, as usual, she shared some great wisdom with me. We were talking about God's great love for us (a topic that comes up constantly, for obvious reasons) and at one point she talked about this passage in the great book that is Blue Like Jazz (I suggest that you read it if you haven't already). 

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how we find what all humans are lacking in God. It's a pretty important thing to know because it takes immense amounts of pressure off the people in our lives and allows us to love them properly. And today, when Caitlin mentioned this passage, it hit me that God truly likes us. He doesn't just love us, He really likes us. 

Some of you are probably thinking, "well, duh." Right? 

But it's sort of crazy, when you really think about it. God calls us to love people. He doesn't call us to be everyone's best friend. There are some people in life who we just won't be friends with and that's okay (but don't get me wrong, I believe it's incredibly important to try our hardest to love everyone we meet). And for some people, we are that person too. 

But God didn't create a single person who He doesn't want to be friends with.

It takes pressure off being single too, I think. Knowing that God, our Creator, likes us like that. While we're waiting for the right person to come along we can be content in the fact that the maker of the heavens and earth likes us; it's more than enough, more than we could ever hope for or imagine. And it means that we don't need the approval of humans so we'll never have to fear that we're not "good enough".

God really likes us.

We all have our flaws, our wounds, our scars; but God still likes us, He still wants to be around us every single second of every single day. The best part is that it does continue on to love; the unconditional, head-over-heels type that amazes us every single day.  

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Beauty, and how to get it

Right now I have no laptop and, funnily enough, this is when I most want to write blogs. So, on a Sunday night at exactly 10:23 pm I am sitting in a computer lab writing this; aaah, the woes of your intrepid blogger.

So, to return to that little detail I told you at the start: I currently don't have a laptop. My little friend and sidekick is currently being wiped. He was apparently massively overheating, a problem I probably could've fixed with a can of compressed air for around £5, but that will now cost me £135. Yes; £135. It decided to go kapoot only a week before one of my last dissertation deadlines so, naturally, this week has been a little stressful.

To put it lightly, I've been freaking out. I wasn't eating properly, I was dehydrating, I was beginning to get pretty whiney and I don't think I was too pleasant to be around. However, last night a good friend let me borrow his laptop and, somehow, in the space of what was, collectively, around six hours, I managed to write enough words to do what I'm pretty sure was finish my dissertation. I have lots of editing to do, but I can cover that in the labs over the next two days. So firstly, praise Jesus for friends who trust me to look after their laptops, even when mine has just gone in for repairs.

But, secondly, I have a bit of an issue to sort out; an issue with me and my best friend, Jesus. I got incredibly distracted, so much so that I totally forgot about Him and was horribly anxious all the time. Tonight at church we sang 'Indescribable' and this line stuck out to me:

"You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name,
You are amazing God."

For most of my life, at least the reasonably lengthy portion I can remember, I have adored the stars and the moon. I have glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to my ceiling and every time the moon's out I have a little freak out. But this evening I realised I'd genuinely stopped caring about the stars and the moon. I was so horribly focused on this broken laptop and how it was hindering me and how awful the timing was that all I could think about was me, and my problems, and how tough my life was. This semester has been so good up until now but I was letting a laptop setback get to me.

Like I said above, I don't think I've exactly been a joy to be around this past week, and I apologise to anyone who had to listen to me whine or freak out. I know I always ended with "but it'll be fine, God is good", but if I truly believed that I wouldn't have to whine about it. I've become pretty internally ugly, pretty self-centred, and generally pretty uncool.

Philippians 4:6
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
(NIV)

I might be anxious and stressed out but there is no point because God has got this. He has all of it, and when I focus on that, when I focus on the beauty that is the truth of Jesus Christ, I shine so brightly, I reflect His beauty. And I'm not being conceited, this is just something that happens when anyone focuses on God. I like when I'm that person, when I reflect my Saviour. The awesomeness of life is generally amplified about ten times and I'm my chilled out self.

I suggest you try it out for yourself.

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Vulnerability, and why it's okay

Recently I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability. I've been thinking a lot about how Jesus calls us to love people, even when we know that they could hurt us. Jesus would never ask us to do anything that He didn't do; we broke Jesus' heart the day we chose to crucify Him and we continue to break it when we hurt Him by sinning.

The "human condition", as Donald Miller calls it, is something pretty messy and broken. Humans naturally hurt other humans just by being human. It's especially tough when a fellow Christian hurts me because the Bible says we're all meant to be kind, loving people. I think this is why so many people think Christians think they're perfect; because, as Christians, we sometimes seem to think that we're meant to be perfect. I think this is why so many people build up walls, because they've been hurt immensely at some point in their lives and therefore think everyone's the same.

But d'you know the beautiful think about Jesus?

He holds all the things that humans are lacking.

I'm currently 'King's Cross' by Timothy Keller and I came across this quote last week:

"A major [issue] in my life has been people-pleasing. I needed approval, to be liked, admired, accepted. But for the first time I was able to see how important it was that I identified with Christ - His love has enabled me to set up emotional boundaries with people that I never could before. This enabled me to love my friends and family for who they are and not seek more from them, because I can find what is lacking in Christ. It's been a huge relief to finally feel free enough to love people and know that in Christ, I am safe and protected and that protecting myself or standing up for myself is actually a good thing."

Humans let us down, it's not their fault. We're naturally sinful beings, and we can only put that down to the fall. But what our fellow humans are lacking, we can find in God. It takes pressure off the people in our lives and it allows God to take control, to truly guide us and gain our trust. God knows far more than we ever will:

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

   neither are your ways my ways,”

            declares the LORD.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

   so are my ways higher than your ways

   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(NIV)

I want to be vulnerable I can love people even when I don't feel like it, even when they hurt me, because that's what Jesus did, and without His love and forgiveness we'd be lost.

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Finishing university, why I don't need to be afraid, and why mistakes are a good thing

In twenty three days I will be finished university. The semester doesn't officially end until the end of May but I hand in my dissertation on the 9th and after that I have a few weeks to truly embrace my favourite town in the whole world and the people who live in it.

I don't want to go. This semester especially I have completely fallen in love with Stirling and I can't believe at all that university is almost over. I have a group of amazing friends, all of whom bring something to my life that the others couldn't.

And for all of this I owe so much to Jesus.
I owe Him everything. 


I currently don't know where I'm going to end up six months down the line but Jesus already has that planned out, and everything that He has for me is in Him and He will never leave my side throughout any of it, the good or the bad, the scary or the exciting; He will always be there.

Psalm 32:8
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”
(NIV)

This semester has given me an incredibly strong foundation in Christ. It has confirmed to me all the things I want in life, and that all those things are firmly based upon my relationship with Jesus. Everything I want in life seems to point towards God, it's all based upon Him; I honestly can't believe I've reached this point at only twenty two years old and I'm so grateful for it. I don't know how people can go through life without Jesus.

I don't know how I got through my first year without any Christian friends. To be honest, I didn't get through it, I stumbled through it, before God kept stepping infront of me to try and pick me up, time and time again. I'd keep letting go and falling again, just managing to crawl through each day. But it got to a point when I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was, I knew there was more to life than just drinking and partying, it was empty and meaningless. Whenever we weren't partying I was thinking about when we next would, so I could somehow cover up the pain that I felt when I was sober.

I don't know how I did it, how I existed like this. The whole time I knew I needed to fix it, I needed to sort my faith out, I needed to talk to God; but what I didn't realise at that point was that my faith shouldn't be based on feelings, it shouldn't be based on whether or not I felt like I wanted to talk to God. This is something that has become so clear to me recently, that even if I don't feel like praying, or reading my Bible, or going to Church, that the truth of Jesus still remains so I still need to do these things. I still need to cling to Him because He is always there, even when it doesn't feel like it. And the beautiful thing is that it no longer is just a feeling, it's everything in my being because He made me, He created me like an artist paints a picture. He painted me on canvas and then placed me on the surface of the earth.

That is why I know I want everything I do in life to be geared towards Him, whether that be washing dishes, or doing some sort of Christian work, or getting married, or teaching people to speak English, or being a mum; it is all His, and it is all for Him. 

As the credits begin to roll on this part of my life (cheesy film student analogies, sorry...) I know for certain that I want to follow Jesus every single day that I'm alive. If I hadn't made so many mistakes when I was eighteen I might still be questioning God's existence and His love for me; I'm glad I've learnt so much. Life, with Jesus Christ, is the most beautiful thing anyone could ever experience. I am more than glad to call Him my friend.

Ephesians 3:16-21
I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 
(NIV)

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Personal Effort, and Why It's Useless.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: being a Christian is not about our own efforts.

I frequently mess up and do things that I know break God's heart. I say I'll never do something again and then, oh, so easily, I slip up and everything once again comes crashing down on top of me.

But today it was different.

After some crying, praying, and general being annoyed at myself it hit me that it isn't about me. It never has been, not even a little bit. I'm struggling with something at the minute, something I'm not ready to share with the world but, after having discussed it with a friend last week I was on such a "God high". I was so ready to be this perfect, sorted person again, someone who had no problems and was just in a great place with God, completely forgetting, of course, that as long as I live in this human skin I'll never be "perfect" or "sorted".

But, as the week went on, I gradually spent less time with God each day which has led me to messing up again today.

But I can only be annoyed with myself for so long. Forgiveness isn't a "get out of jail free" card; God sent his Son to die for me on a cross so I could be forgiven. If I think that's getting out free then I'm crazy.

Making mistakes doesn't make me any less of a person. I'm still covered in God's fingerprints, still made in His image, and nothing will ever change that. He still loves me and will continue to grow me until I finish the race.

The first thing I opened my Bible to after I'd messed up was this:
1 John 4:16-18
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." (NIV)

I think we forget that all that matters, the one thing that can truely change us, is the love of God. Without His love we are nothing, we were made out of love. If it wasn't for Him we wouldn't know how to love (1 John 4:19). He loves me through all my mistakes, all my screw ups, all my mishaps, and all the times I mess up. I am His creation and the outward actions aren't important; my heart is what matters to Him.

I want to spend more time with God, on a daily basis. And not because I want to act out what I think my heart should be doing, but because I know I need Him more than ever. Without Him I become weak and weary and stop caring about the things that need to be important to me. I'd appreciate any prayers that I can remain strong in the Lord, and that I can put on His armour every day (Ephesians 6:10-18).

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Sunday, and Why We Have Hope

I've just come home from my church's sunrise service on Yellowhill in Stirling; it was a beautiful way to start off Easter Sunday, and it's the first sunrise service I've ever been to. After the service we went back to the church and sat down together to eat bacon rolls and drink juice, tea, and coffee.

I really felt like part of a great community this morning. I felt welcome and loved; I felt like an important part of the Body of Christ and, praise Jesus, that's exactly what I am. I hope that on this Easter Sunday everyone can feel like part of a family, even if that isn't a church family, and for those who don't I hope and pray that God will bring that to you.

However, on the way home, at around 8:00 am, we drove past a girl who was doing what is known as "the walk of shame". She was wearing what I can only assume were last nights clothes and was carrying her shoes; but this wasn't the saddest part. The saddest part was that this girl looked completely heart broken. And I'm not making that up or over emphasising it for some sort of dramatic affect; she genuinely looked incredibly upset as we drove past and she continued to slowly amble on home.

For a long time in my life I felt insignificant. I felt small and alone and like not a single soul in the world cared about me or thought I was worth anything. Last night I was browsing through some photos that a friend had taken on a recent trip to San Francisco and there were some amazing snaps of the Golden Gate Bridge. Suddenly it hit me that even though this bridge is absolutely enormous, in the eyes of Jesus, God, the Creator of the Universe, I am immeasurably more significant than the Golden Gate Bridge will ever be. I am more significant to the Lord than any of these grand statements made by man, I'm more significant than the beasts of the field and the birds of the air that He Himself created.

Jesus died on the cross for all of us, so that we could all understand how significant we are to God. He didn't come for the righteous, those above their station, the strong, the mighty; as it says in the Beatitudes, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt. 5:3), "Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. " (Matt. 5:5-6). 

And, as Luke puts it perfectly:
"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." (Luke 19:10)

However, to return to the girl I talked about above, I think it's easy to just drive past people like this and make sweeping judgements. But I used to drink and party on a regular basis. Fortunately I never did "the walk of shame", I never went home with a guy, but what if I had? Would that mean Jesus would love me any less, would He be angry with me, would He feel less forgiving? No. Not at all. In fact it would break His heart to have seen me in that situation, to be looking for affection and love in one of many places where I would never find it. It would break His heart because He loved me so much that He died for me, and proved to death that even it wasn't strong enough to stand in His way.

My Lord is stronger than death, His love is stronger than any I could find any where else, so why would I try and find that in anything but Him?

These days I sometimes sit and think about how lucky I am to know Jesus, to have chosen to follow Him and allow Him to take control of my life. I have never felt so safe, so worry free, so content. I have my struggles, yes, life as a Christian isn't life lived through rose-tinted glasses, but I always have Jesus to help me, to carry me through the tough times. I was once blind, but now I see, I see what the world is longing for, in fact I have what the world is longing for, because God has given me the ability to have faith in Him; He has given me so many reasons to believe and I'll never stop.

So on this Easter Sunday I hope you can realise your significance. You are loved, you are important, you are more than enough, the Creator of this Universe, our God, the Lord Jesus Christ, wants you to know that.

x

Sunrise over the Ochils on Easter Sunday morning at Yellow Hill, Stirling, Scotland.

Sunday is Coming

It always rains on Good Friday.

Since Easter 2011, God has gotten me through some crazy things. He's led me through my last year of university, He took me half way around the world and back, He's remade me, changed me, grown me, He's slowly making me into the person I'm meant to be.

But Good Friday isn't about me. Good Friday is about the day that my Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, allowed Himself to be covered in sin so that every single person who steps foot upon this planet for even the smallest period of time could be forgiven and loved by our Creator. 

Jesus walked the Via Dolorosa, too weak to carry His own cross after having been beaten and whipped by the Roman soldiers. He could have had this pain taken away, He could have asked His Father God to do it differently but the night before, in the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke, 22:42) He was so worried, so nervous, so stressed out that He actually sweat blood.


I think that we sometimes forget how human Jesus was; He may have been God but He was also man, and He was terrified to die. 


Jesus' death on the cross is so much bigger than my little worries, so much bigger than my dissertation, or my post-university plans, or what I'm having for dinner tonight. Jesus cares about these things, He cares that I try my best, and that I don't become a bum, and that I eat, because He knows these things are important to this world; but most of all His death means that I don't need to worry, that I don't need to stress about anything because His resurrection on Sunday means that He's in control, He's got this; not even death can stand in His way.


His resurrection means that no one needs to worry, not a single soul; if You just trust in Him He'll take control of everything. And once You take hold of Him, He'll never let go of you.

Like I said at the start, it always rains on Good Friday... but on Sunday, the Son's going to come out... See what I did there?


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Jason Russell, and Why We Need to Stop Judging

I didn't write about it on here because I don't like mixing Jesus with global movements represented by rich white men but, after jumping on the Good Ship Kony 2012 for all of twenty-four hours, I gladly stepped off it, back on to dry land and, to be quite frank, a bit of sanity. I wrote on my second blog about how "a rich white man" won't do much for the economic and political situation in Uganda, how quickly the hype would "fizzle out", and how Jason Russell is a damn good filmmaker.

And, as it turns out, Mr Russell ended up acting a little bit crazy and managed to find himself in the news; but for all the wrong reasons.

At first I found it pretty funny. I felt pretty clever for not having fallen for Russell's tricks (for too long, anyway), and that he had had this crazy mental breakdown which proved me right. But, after a few hours, this didn't really sit with me anymore. It's all well and good for me to be happy that Kony 2012 will probably disappear from the Internet completely soon enough, but for me to be happy about the meltdown of a fellow human being? That's not right.

Jason Russell represents to me how broken this world is. First of all, he uses good film making abilities, scandal and his cute five year old son to get people to care about the thousands of Ugandan children who suffered at the hands of Joseph Kony and the LRA, to which most of us give into instantly. Twenty-four hours later, we've changed our minds. Then, within the space of two weeks, Russell becomes so overwhelmed by this project that he ends up running around naked and masturbating in public. And then those of us who thought he was a bit of a shady character in the first place decide it's our place to make a mockery of him. 


Jason Russell has a family. He is a husband, a father. Putting aside Invisible Children, he has a life. He has a big influence on his son. His son who is going to hear all about this and probably become ashamed of it when he grows up and realises what it all means. His wife will have to deal with questions, the sheer humiliating consequences of the way her husband acted.


It is not our job to mock Jason Russell when he is probably already hanging his head in shame.


Matthew 7:1-2
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
(NIV)

This is a scary concept. To think that the way I judged Jason Russell (instantly and harshly) is the way God could judge me. I judge people all the time, the world tells me it's okay, that it's normal; but it's not. We happily gossip about others and make judgements but when we think about others judging us does it make us happy? Are we okay with it? I doubt it. I'm not saying that I don't make judgements, but I want to try not to, I want to just love people and try my hardest to see the good in them.

It might not be the easiest thing to do, but Jesus never promised it would be easy.


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Semester Eight, And Why It's Been So Stinkin' Amazing [So Far]

Today my hamstrings are aching.

Last night, on the way to blog (the meeting for students in my church) I decided to run up the hill that leads to the manse. It was a bad move. Not only did I end up with a very sore throat, today I appear to be in more pain than I am when I go to the gym.

But it turns out that a little bit of pain is worth it.

I go to North Parish Church in Stirling and I adore it. I adore how inspired and encouraged I am by the sermons, by the community, and the beautiful church family I am ever so slowly becoming a part of. I love how the students are such an important part of the church. I'm sad that it's my last semester in Stirling but being able to go to this church is such a blessing.

I spoke to my Mum on the phone yesterday and she told me that I sounded happier than I ever did over the first three years of university. And she's right, I most definitely am. I lived with some amazing people for three years who taught me a lot about myself and the world that I didn't know much of. They allowed me to make my own decisions, my own mistakes, and then watched, without judging, time and time again as I returned to Jesus to ask for forgiveness.

But it wasn't easy. This is no comment on the people I lived with, like I said, they were great, but it's different to live with people who share your beliefs, who I can come home and talk to about Jesus and how amazing He is, or ask for prayer. I'm so comfortable this year, and I think that's okay for once. The whole of this year hasn't been so easy, last semester had plenty of its own trials, but Jesus brought me through them and has taught me so much.

I'm so glad to be living the way I am this semester. I'm healthy, happy, and in love with my Jesus. I don't drink anymore because I simply don't care for it. I go to 3:11 (Bible Study) and CU every week and I'm going to try and make it to church every week from now on.

I was reading Acts this morning (inspired by church last night) and I realised how grateful I am for fellowship. Without even trying, the people around me are such a great influence and encouragement to me.

So, friends, I hope that, when I write a soppy blog post in June about university ending, I can say even more wondeful things about these people. Praise Jesus!

Christ is Risen!!! Alleluja!

I can't even begin to imagine how Mary felt when she discovered Jesus had been resurrected. After an intense crucifixion - darkness covering the land, shaking of the earth, and the temple curtain torn in two - surely this wasn't over?

It wasn't. 
Oh, man, how it wasn't over!

It's not Easter yet. In fact, it's around a month until Easter. But I wanted to write about it because, never mind the fact that it's my favourite day of the year, it is probably the most important day of the year for Christians (other than Christmas).

When God witnessed the fall of man He was deeply moved by our pain; He was deeply moved by the brokenness it caused. All throughout the Old Testament God constantly reminds His people of the new covenant, we can search its pages and discover prophecy after prophecy, promises that someone was coming to give us hope, a second chance at life, a chance at forgiveness and so we could know our Maker.

I can't get over the beauty of that, of who Jesus is.

Picture this: A Father, Creator God, has a Son. This Son is so precious to Him, He loves Him more than I have the words to explain, He is a part of Him. However, the Father also has a few other children. Well, billions of them. He created them with His hands, He knows each one of them by name, He numbered each hair on their head (Matt. 10:29-31), He loves them insanely, He wants to be loved by them. But they've gone a bit off track. They took things into their own hands, told their Father to get lost and set off on their own. But the Father knows He has to save them, He has to bring them back to Him because they're not safe without Him.

However, there's this guy called Satan who's pretty good at leading God's children astray. God knows that until Satan gets something He wants, he's going to keep leading the children astray. He's going to keep guiding them down dark paths, subjecting them to pain and laughing in their faces and saying "I told you so!" So the Father decides that the best thing He can do is sacrifice a part of Himself, the one thing He loves the most, to Satan so he'll give up. So the Father sends the Son to be with the children and, after a period of time of getting to know the children, of telling them about the Father and showing them how great and powerful and loving He is, the Father tells the Son that it's time. It's time to be a living sacrifice in the place of the children so Satan will give up. The Son cries out to the Father, He is so afraid that His sweat turns to blood, but still He says, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

The Son is whipped and beaten, He is mocked by the people who follow Satan because they have no idea who He is, He is the Son of God, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. The Son doesn't turn and run because He is of the Father, His heart is full of compassion for His people, He knows this needs to happen to stop Satan. The Son, after He had been beaten, was too weak to carry the cross that He was to be crucified on, so they gave it to a man called Simon of Cyrene to carry it to Golgotha (taken from the original Aramaic, meaning "skull"). And, upon that cross, the Creator of the entire universe was cruficied for the sins of His people.

But it wasn't over.

Darkness covered the land from the sixth to the ninth hour and at 3:00 pm Jesus cried out "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachtani?" ("My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?") At that moment the temple curtain tore in two, the earth shook and the dead were resurrected from their graves! "When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified and exclaimed, 'Surely He was the Son of God!'" (Matt.27:54) 

Jesus, the Son, was buried in a tomb. A massive stone was rolled in front of it and a Roman guard was stationed there at all times so no one could steal His body. But, the next morning, when Mary came to the garden the stone had been rolled away and there was a man walking in the garden. Mary thought He was just the gardner but this was no ordinary man.

This was Jesus Christ, the Son of God, resurrected from the dead, completely alive!

On that day Satan learnt that He had no power over the Father and His children. He learnt that as long as the children choose the Father, His light will always be there to guide them, even on the darkest, rockiest roads. The Father knew the whole time that His Son would be safe, that He wouldn't die and dissappear forever; He also knew that Satan didn't realise this.

And when God's children saw what He had done for them it made them realise, it made us realise, it made me realise, that God loves me so much. He loves me more than I could ever imagine. He sent his precious Son, His child, to die for me. He allowed Him to be whipped and beaten and mocked so I could get a second chance, so Satan would have no grip on me. And God felt all the pain that Jesus felt because He is a part of Him. For the Father to see his Son treated this way was like any loving parent seeing their children attacked, God would have stepped in and stopped it but He knew He had to do this to save His creation.

And because Jesus did this, just like the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) returned to his father, we can now return to our Father, our Lord and Saviour, our Maker, God.

The Only Important Decision

Sometimes we think the decision that's right in front of us is the most trying thing we've ever dealt with. Somehow it completely takes over our life and makes us think that nothing else is important, that if we mess this up, if we choose the wrong path, everything is going to fall to pieces. We forget that our decisions are so trivial when it comes to God.

I can't write a post about decision making this morning, that's not the point in this. But I want to write about the love of Jesus and how that is far more important than any decision we ever make. Maybe some of you will see it as a cop-out, but as someone who frequently thinks certain choices will make her happy, I know this is what I need.

I'm really liking the book of Isaiah at the minute and this morning I found this verse:

Isaiah 54:10
"'Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed.'
Says the Lord, who has compassion on you."
(NIV)

I read Genesis back in January and one thing that kept reappearing was God's promise of His covenant to His people, and once again in Isaiah He reminds us of this. God, who sent ten plagues on Egypt, who "rained down burning sulfur" (Genesis 19:24) on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, who could have done anything to make us love Him, has compassion upon me.

Compassion so strong that He gave up all heavenly powers and came to earth as a tiny, helpless baby who had to depend on humans for even the simplest of things. Compassion so strong that He sent His Son to die an incredibly painful death, to be crucified, for me. 

I don't have children yet, but I am a child to two amazing parents, and I know how much they worry about me when I'm at university. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for the Father to let His Son experience pain like that.

It doesn't really matter to God which path I choose. I don't mean He doesn't care, what I do mean is that no matter what I decide He will be with me either way. He doesn't ever leave our sides and, even if I do fall away from Him for a while, He will always guide me back to Him. In 2008 I chose to move to Scotland for university and I definitely did fall away from God for a while, but I think this blog is proof enough that He never let go of me.

If God truly wants us to choose one path more than another He will move mountains to make that happen (I stole this quote from a friend, so props to Rhea Wilms). But I think that right now God is saying the decision is up to me, He'll work with whatever choice I make, that part isn't overly important to Him.

So friends, I'll leave you with something beautiful:

Ephesians 1:3-8
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."
(NIV)

I encourage you to decide to fall more in love with Jesus than ever before.

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Much Needed Grace//"There's nothing greater than knowing You."

I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a nature nerd. But, out of all of God's beautiful creation, I love animals most, and right now there's a Squirrel that keeps scampering past my open window, considering hopping into next door's bin to find breakfast. God keeps doing this recently, showing me things in His creation that make my heart happy. Last week, when I was still living alone, I left the library early to ensure I didn't have to walk home in the dark, and I saw one of the most beautiful sun sets I've ever seen.

For a little while I've been finding myself feeling distant from God, getting disctracted by mundane, everyday things and putting everything before Him, and I started to notice my heart was getting a little heavy. But, rather than becoming anti-social and sad about it like I did last semester, I decided to do the opposite. First of all, I stopped trying to make things better. God doesn't work like that, it's about Him, not our abilities. So I stopped pushing myself to read my Bible and pray and just told Him I needed him to fix it, because I couldn't. Human instinct tells us to sort our lives out, to always be in control; God doesn't. I'm not saying you should never read your Bible or pray, but sometimes it's okay to sit back and tell God we're too weak to do anything, because we might say "I'm a strong, independent human, I can do this!", but He says "you're only human, let me handle this."

Exodus 14:14 puts it perfectly:
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Even if I hadn't called out to the Lord and asked Him to help me He still would've done it, He still would've carried me because He knows what I need, even when I'm too afraid to say it. He fights for us, we don't need to do anything.

In addition to letting God take over, I went to CU last night. The speaker, Phil, talked about our need for grace, and how much we don't realise we need it anymore. Strangely, this had been something I was thinking about recently. I'd been trying to figure out what my heart was feeling and last night's talk put it into words perfectly. I had forgotten how much I needed grace, how much I needed the love and forgiveness of Jesus. I'd forgotten what the cross really means for me; that Jesus died on that cross for all mankind in the same way that He would've died if it had just been for me alone. That is how much He loves us.

So, friends, don't push yourselves. Don't make God seem mundane and boring. Don't try to search for Him when you're lost, just let Him find you, because He knows where we are even when we don't.

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Midnight Thoughts

As we're all used to in Scotland, tonight was another bitterly cold night. After having had a great time with a bunch of amazing people, those of us who live in the chalets headed back home, and something happened. Something that I'm not sure I know how to describe. Like I said, it was bitterly cold, and it was so quiet. Oh, so quiet. Like everything had settled once again and the storm had ended. It was that kind of cold that goes right through to your bones, but it was refreshing and new and, most of all, safe.

Only good things are ahead this semester.

I don't want to quote Bible verses to you tonight because sometimes I fail at praying and reading my Bible, but God still works, He doesn't give up just because I'm weak. I was really broken last semester. Really lost and unsure and afraid, but this semester things are so different.

I feel like the prodigal son, like a soldier being sent out to battle with all the best armour, I am loved and I am ready for whatever the next few months want to throw at me because of that love.

And because of that love I want to love other people; I'm already seeing a change in myself.

I have Christ, and therefore I have everything I'll ever need.

x

What We Really Needed

Matthew 11:2-3
"When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples to ask him, 'Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?'"


No one expected a Messiah like Jesus.

In a time when the Jews were waiting for someone to sort out their political situation, Jesus was not the answer they wanted. But one of the most beautiful things about the Creator of Our Universe is that He knows exactly what we need, and solutions to political instability are not the be all and end of our lives.

The human race survives on love and compassion, if we didn't care for each other we would be hopeless. Jesus didn't come to sort out the little quarrels that society had caused, he came to heal his creation and give us a second chance. When this world comes to an end there won't be any boundaries or governments or divides to worry about, the only thing to worry about will be whether we acknowledged Jesus before men.

And if we don't know love how can we know Jesus?

1 John 4:16
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."

So the longer we ignore love the longer we ignore the one thing that brings us any sort of hope.

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The Kingdom of Heaven, Human Logic, and Truth

All too often do I hear about people who try to spread the word of God through violence and aggression. It's been happening for hundreds of years and it saddens me to think that someone's mistakes push so many people away from coming to know Jesus every single day. No were in the Bible does it say that God believed this was right, and nothing in the Gospels tells us of Jesus doing anything but love, but it's easier to trust in the things that we can see before our eyes. Why would someone choose to believe in a God whose followers are so violent and hateful?

After finishing Genesis last night I moved on to Matthew and today I read the Beatitudes.

Matthew 5:3-9

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God."

The Beatitudes used to confuse me a little. I mean, who was Jesus referring to? What was He trying to say? So I found a commentary on biblegateway and something really stood out to me. God never intended His Kingdom for the violent, for the aggressive, for the hateful.

The Kingdom of Heaven is for the poor in spirit, for the meek, for the merciful, for the pure in heart, for the peacemakers.

It's easy to trust in what's right in front of our eyes because it's just that, it's right in front of us, staring us straight in the face. It makes sense to trust in what we see.


But God doesn't call us to do what makes sense, and that's one of the many beautiful things about following Christ.


If our bank balance tells us we can't pay the rent, have faith and God will provide. If we've lost our keys, have faith and God will open our eyes. If we're looking for a place to stay for a night, God will find us one. If we have to travel but funds are low, God will give us what we need. If we need to eat but the cupboard's are bare, He'll feed us.

These are all things that have happened to me or that I have seen happen. And they're crazy, aren't they? All through prayer and petition, God laughs at our idea of "common sense" and does it His way.

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I can't begin to count the number of times I've sat down, full of fear and worry, and brought it all to God, trusting Him with all of it, and by the time I'd finished praying I literally feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter, more free, I can smile again, I can laugh!

Some of you will say I'm too simple, but in a world full of darkness and broken hearts and pain, the joy I experience through my Jesus is something too perfect and wonderful for words.

One of my favourite parts of the bible is 1 Corinthians 1:18-31. I would write out the whole passage for you here but I feel like you might get a little bored (If you want to read the whole thing check it out here), so here's a little extract:

1 Corinthians 1:18-19
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: 'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate'."

God doesn't use human logic. A while ago I was struggling with belief and a friend told me I needed to keep pushing through the logic that was strangling me. The only times I have feared the truth of Jesus, that He loves me, that I'm forgiven, are when I've sat and considered it all in relation to society and the world. We need to stop doing that. We need to stop thinking we don't deserve forgiveness or love because those things are there for us whether or not we want them. Our logic tells us it's wrong because society doesn't want us to know love or forgiveness until we've earned it, but God loved us from the dawn of time.

It's hard to grasp, isn't it? I still struggle with it, with accepting that my forgiveness isn't a "get out of jail free" card, but that it's given to me by the One who can give it to me, because He wants to, because He loves me so much. But, slowly but surely, I'm beginning to know and accept the truth more and more every day.

And this is why, to return to my first point, we shouldn't listen to the people who aggressively shove their beliefs down our throats, because that isn't love and that isn't God. I encourage you to open your Bibles today and find the truth of Jesus Christ, the person who I'm constantly chasing after.

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