Being angry with God, and why it's pointless.

I should be finishing up my dissertation but I wanted to quickly write something, to encourage myself and anyone else who needs it.

I think we need to stop thinking that just because people can quote Bible verses or wear the right clothes or be popular that they have it all together. I think we need to start realising that everyone is broken, and everyone has their trials, and that everyone's heart has been torn to shreds countless times.

I am not alone in my brokenness and I can be fixed, but only by Jesus, and no matter how much I run from that it doesn't make it any less true. Being angry with Him won't make life any easier, yelling at Him won't piece my heart back together.

I'm surrounded by some amazing people, and a lot of them have prayed for me over the past week, and without that prayer I might be in a far worse place than I am now. Fellowship (and if that word scares you lets just call it friendship or community) is the best thing in the world and I know that if I was in the same position as I am now, a year ago, things wouldn't quite be going the way they are today.

x

Sunday, and Why We Have Hope

I've just come home from my church's sunrise service on Yellowhill in Stirling; it was a beautiful way to start off Easter Sunday, and it's the first sunrise service I've ever been to. After the service we went back to the church and sat down together to eat bacon rolls and drink juice, tea, and coffee.

I really felt like part of a great community this morning. I felt welcome and loved; I felt like an important part of the Body of Christ and, praise Jesus, that's exactly what I am. I hope that on this Easter Sunday everyone can feel like part of a family, even if that isn't a church family, and for those who don't I hope and pray that God will bring that to you.

However, on the way home, at around 8:00 am, we drove past a girl who was doing what is known as "the walk of shame". She was wearing what I can only assume were last nights clothes and was carrying her shoes; but this wasn't the saddest part. The saddest part was that this girl looked completely heart broken. And I'm not making that up or over emphasising it for some sort of dramatic affect; she genuinely looked incredibly upset as we drove past and she continued to slowly amble on home.

For a long time in my life I felt insignificant. I felt small and alone and like not a single soul in the world cared about me or thought I was worth anything. Last night I was browsing through some photos that a friend had taken on a recent trip to San Francisco and there were some amazing snaps of the Golden Gate Bridge. Suddenly it hit me that even though this bridge is absolutely enormous, in the eyes of Jesus, God, the Creator of the Universe, I am immeasurably more significant than the Golden Gate Bridge will ever be. I am more significant to the Lord than any of these grand statements made by man, I'm more significant than the beasts of the field and the birds of the air that He Himself created.

Jesus died on the cross for all of us, so that we could all understand how significant we are to God. He didn't come for the righteous, those above their station, the strong, the mighty; as it says in the Beatitudes, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt. 5:3), "Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. " (Matt. 5:5-6). 

And, as Luke puts it perfectly:
"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." (Luke 19:10)

However, to return to the girl I talked about above, I think it's easy to just drive past people like this and make sweeping judgements. But I used to drink and party on a regular basis. Fortunately I never did "the walk of shame", I never went home with a guy, but what if I had? Would that mean Jesus would love me any less, would He be angry with me, would He feel less forgiving? No. Not at all. In fact it would break His heart to have seen me in that situation, to be looking for affection and love in one of many places where I would never find it. It would break His heart because He loved me so much that He died for me, and proved to death that even it wasn't strong enough to stand in His way.

My Lord is stronger than death, His love is stronger than any I could find any where else, so why would I try and find that in anything but Him?

These days I sometimes sit and think about how lucky I am to know Jesus, to have chosen to follow Him and allow Him to take control of my life. I have never felt so safe, so worry free, so content. I have my struggles, yes, life as a Christian isn't life lived through rose-tinted glasses, but I always have Jesus to help me, to carry me through the tough times. I was once blind, but now I see, I see what the world is longing for, in fact I have what the world is longing for, because God has given me the ability to have faith in Him; He has given me so many reasons to believe and I'll never stop.

So on this Easter Sunday I hope you can realise your significance. You are loved, you are important, you are more than enough, the Creator of this Universe, our God, the Lord Jesus Christ, wants you to know that.

x

Sunrise over the Ochils on Easter Sunday morning at Yellow Hill, Stirling, Scotland.

Midnight Thoughts

As we're all used to in Scotland, tonight was another bitterly cold night. After having had a great time with a bunch of amazing people, those of us who live in the chalets headed back home, and something happened. Something that I'm not sure I know how to describe. Like I said, it was bitterly cold, and it was so quiet. Oh, so quiet. Like everything had settled once again and the storm had ended. It was that kind of cold that goes right through to your bones, but it was refreshing and new and, most of all, safe.

Only good things are ahead this semester.

I don't want to quote Bible verses to you tonight because sometimes I fail at praying and reading my Bible, but God still works, He doesn't give up just because I'm weak. I was really broken last semester. Really lost and unsure and afraid, but this semester things are so different.

I feel like the prodigal son, like a soldier being sent out to battle with all the best armour, I am loved and I am ready for whatever the next few months want to throw at me because of that love.

And because of that love I want to love other people; I'm already seeing a change in myself.

I have Christ, and therefore I have everything I'll ever need.

x