Yep, so it's time for this blog to move house.
I've used blogger for a really long time now, but I think Wordpress is a better platform and allows my readers to interact with me better. Please on over to the new page right here where you can see all the old posts (I wasn't prepared to move if I couldn't import everything) and sign up for e-mail alerts to be reminded when I post new ones :)
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Wednesday 6 June 2012
Tuesday 5 June 2012
Fellowship, and what that really is.
Two blogs in one night, eh?
I feel like it's only fair that I write this one, that I say some good things about Northern Ireland. I think I talk a lot about this place as if it's awful and that I hate it; I can assure you that I don't.
Over the past ten days I have spent time with a lot of amazing people and they've shared their wisdom with me. In Stirling I spent 99.9% of my time with people who were students, but upon coming home I've spent time with people who finished university last year, or a few years ago, people who are in full-time work, people doing church internships, people living off benefits and trying to find a job, people who are far older and wiser than I am.
Within ten days I have had conversations with people, whether they be family or friends, that have challenged me and made me reconsider some of my choices.
That is true fellowship.
I have an amazing support system in this country and they have already encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone.
I may not have twenty people in my house every night but sometimes life isn't like that.
My footing is still a little shaky, it'll be like that for a while, but eventually I'll be standing strong here again, simply because God is good.
x
I feel like it's only fair that I write this one, that I say some good things about Northern Ireland. I think I talk a lot about this place as if it's awful and that I hate it; I can assure you that I don't.
Over the past ten days I have spent time with a lot of amazing people and they've shared their wisdom with me. In Stirling I spent 99.9% of my time with people who were students, but upon coming home I've spent time with people who finished university last year, or a few years ago, people who are in full-time work, people doing church internships, people living off benefits and trying to find a job, people who are far older and wiser than I am.
Within ten days I have had conversations with people, whether they be family or friends, that have challenged me and made me reconsider some of my choices.
That is true fellowship.
I have an amazing support system in this country and they have already encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone.
I may not have twenty people in my house every night but sometimes life isn't like that.
My footing is still a little shaky, it'll be like that for a while, but eventually I'll be standing strong here again, simply because God is good.
x
Evangelism, and how it's incredibly relational.
I had coffee with a friend this morning and, in between his successful attempts to wind me up, we had some good chats about Christianity in Northern Ireland.
I think the problem is that people don't really know what it means to evangelise. I think they forget that it's a relational thing, and that just handing out gospel tracts to people on the street isn't any where near enough, and I think they forget that Jesus truly invested time in people and didn't just spend five minutes telling them how great God was and then forget about them. It's all well and good to pray for the people who you chat with, but Jesus didn't encourage people to follow Him by having a nice chat with them, not even coming close to scratching the surface, and then going off on His own and praying for them.
I remember when I was fifteen and I went to a youth event called Mannafest. They'd talk about how broken Northern Ireland was because of the troubles, because of all the bitterness that was festering within the country ever since the 1980s. Northern Ireland, like every other country in the world that calls itself "Christian" (I still have no idea what a "Christian country" is), has this great ability to constantly talk about all it's problems rather than just loving people. We spend so much money on events like Mannafest and Summer Madness, where we get together as Christians to listen to people tell us about all our flaws and how much we need to change, rather than just getting together in our own communities on a daily basis and loving each other and the people who don't share our beliefs. That's the problem; that we don't love, we just talk.
It's not easy to be a Christian in Northern Ireland, that's for sure, not the sort of Christian who chooses to get up every day and truly die to themselves and really love people. It's almost cool to be a Christian here, to hold doors open for old people and turn up to church every Sunday, because that's what being a real Christian is, right?
I didn't become a Christian because someone handed me a gospel tract on the street, and none of the people who I know who became Christians during my four years in Stirling made that choice because of a chance meeting with a member of the CU that lasted for all of five minutes. We became Christians because people showed us love, because they invested time in us. Sometimes we'll invest more than time, we'll invest money and we'll miss out on sleep and we'll have to move things around a little bit, but this life isn't about us.
Following Christ isn't about me getting what I want; it's about doing everything for the glory of God.
Most of all, I fear for those who are lukewarm. Not to get all preachy on you, but Revelation 3:15-16 (NIV) says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." God would prefer us to not believe at all than to be in the middle, He would prefer to have one person whose heart truly burned with passion for him than a hundred who did nothing about their faith other than say "Oh, yeah, I believe in God" whenever someone asked them if they were "religious" (a term I'm not a fan of). I fear for the people in this country who think that is enough. Jesus didn't die the most painful death known to man so we could be comfortable in the fact that we believe He existed, He died so we wouldn't be alone when we chose to take up our cross and follow Him, He died so we could be free and safe in Him, so we could step our of comfort zones and know we didn't have to be afraid.
I can't imagine how much it breaks Jesus' heart to think about how He did that, how He suffered the most excruciating pain when He could have just clicked His fingers and have all of us know exactly who He was, how He showed us that much love, an insane, crazy love, and then watch as we completely take it for granted.
I don't know where I'll be six months from now. Currently, I'd love to be back in Scotland, but if my passion for this topic grows and God tells me it's time to start calling Northern Ireland home again, I want to do that.
x
I think the problem is that people don't really know what it means to evangelise. I think they forget that it's a relational thing, and that just handing out gospel tracts to people on the street isn't any where near enough, and I think they forget that Jesus truly invested time in people and didn't just spend five minutes telling them how great God was and then forget about them. It's all well and good to pray for the people who you chat with, but Jesus didn't encourage people to follow Him by having a nice chat with them, not even coming close to scratching the surface, and then going off on His own and praying for them.
I remember when I was fifteen and I went to a youth event called Mannafest. They'd talk about how broken Northern Ireland was because of the troubles, because of all the bitterness that was festering within the country ever since the 1980s. Northern Ireland, like every other country in the world that calls itself "Christian" (I still have no idea what a "Christian country" is), has this great ability to constantly talk about all it's problems rather than just loving people. We spend so much money on events like Mannafest and Summer Madness, where we get together as Christians to listen to people tell us about all our flaws and how much we need to change, rather than just getting together in our own communities on a daily basis and loving each other and the people who don't share our beliefs. That's the problem; that we don't love, we just talk.
It's not easy to be a Christian in Northern Ireland, that's for sure, not the sort of Christian who chooses to get up every day and truly die to themselves and really love people. It's almost cool to be a Christian here, to hold doors open for old people and turn up to church every Sunday, because that's what being a real Christian is, right?
I didn't become a Christian because someone handed me a gospel tract on the street, and none of the people who I know who became Christians during my four years in Stirling made that choice because of a chance meeting with a member of the CU that lasted for all of five minutes. We became Christians because people showed us love, because they invested time in us. Sometimes we'll invest more than time, we'll invest money and we'll miss out on sleep and we'll have to move things around a little bit, but this life isn't about us.
Following Christ isn't about me getting what I want; it's about doing everything for the glory of God.
Most of all, I fear for those who are lukewarm. Not to get all preachy on you, but Revelation 3:15-16 (NIV) says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." God would prefer us to not believe at all than to be in the middle, He would prefer to have one person whose heart truly burned with passion for him than a hundred who did nothing about their faith other than say "Oh, yeah, I believe in God" whenever someone asked them if they were "religious" (a term I'm not a fan of). I fear for the people in this country who think that is enough. Jesus didn't die the most painful death known to man so we could be comfortable in the fact that we believe He existed, He died so we wouldn't be alone when we chose to take up our cross and follow Him, He died so we could be free and safe in Him, so we could step our of comfort zones and know we didn't have to be afraid.
I can't imagine how much it breaks Jesus' heart to think about how He did that, how He suffered the most excruciating pain when He could have just clicked His fingers and have all of us know exactly who He was, how He showed us that much love, an insane, crazy love, and then watch as we completely take it for granted.
I don't know where I'll be six months from now. Currently, I'd love to be back in Scotland, but if my passion for this topic grows and God tells me it's time to start calling Northern Ireland home again, I want to do that.
x
Sunday 3 June 2012
Church search, and why it's hard.
A while ago, before leaving Stirling, I realised I would need to find a good church community in Northern Ireland because I knew I would be here for a while. To say I was apprehensive was putting it lightly; living in Stirling for four years has had me spoilt by the fact that, in most churches, the majority of the congregation really and truly want to be there. Scotland needs God and the few who realise this seem to run to Him with aching hearts, truly knowing He is what they're looking for. I knew very few people who were on the fence, who weren't really set in their beliefs and who didn't want to be doing everything they could to get involved in a church community.
I'm not saying Scotland is some sort of perfect land of milk and honey, or that the church I was a part of had it all right, but I believe that what it did have was authenticity. I believe that the people I saw there on Sunday's truly wanted to be there and had a fire burning within them that I just haven't seen here yet.
This morning I went to a new church, and after a reasonable amount of people had filed in through the door and the minister had said good morning I felt quite underwhelmed. Firstly, the children weren't included in any part of the service. I think it's so important that they are a part of the body of the Church from the very start of their lives, and not just sent off to a hall before the service starts. After all, Jesus said "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Luke 17:18) We need to learn from children and I think they should be made to feel a part of the body from as young as possible. Plus, it totally loosens up the congregation to get them all involved in silly action songs (which actually hold a lot of really important meaning). The worship band was great but as I looked around I saw very few people singing or even looking like they wanted to sing; music is an incredibly important part of worship for me and it's hard to do that passionately when the people around you are apathetic. We're meant to be a community, a family, and we need to be encouraging each other. The sermon was nice; yes, nice. The intentions were good but it was everything I'd already read by authors like Francis Chan and Philip Yancey, but not nearly as in-depth. I also felt that, after reading out the relevant passage, the speaker hardly ever referenced it again or made any other references to other areas of the Bible; how are you encouraging your congregation to read their Bibles more if you spend little time doing this from the pulpit?
It was comfortable; I'm not looking for comfortable.
I'm looking for a sermon that makes me question how I'm living, that makes me wonder more about God, that makes me realise that, as I learn more, He gets bigger and I get smaller and smaller. I think the problem in Northern Ireland is that people have become very comfortable. We call ourselves a "Christian country" (whatever that means) but what we really have are good values; that isn't Christianity. We might give the most to charity out of all four countries in the UK but what is that when we're not pushing ourselves in our faith, really delving deeper into the gospel of Jesus and challenging ourselves to learn more about Him, putting ourselves in situations that we don't necessarily want to be in?
I think the sad fact is that we've lost our authenticity. The only reason I am where I am with God right now is because I got completely thrown out of my comfort zone and made a lot of bad choices because I was so afraid and lost; I was lifted out of this tiny country, where I was able to go to church with my parents and not really get to know anyone, and set into one where I had to put in all the effort I had to meet Christians. It was in that place where I fell head over heels in love with Jesus, where I realised my faith was not one of "pick 'n' mix", but entirely one of "all or nothing". I discovered that I simply couldn't live without God, that it would be entirely impossible to make any sort of move without Him, without the support of His body. I'm not saying everyone in Northern Ireland has a useless, weak faith, because I have plenty of friends and family members who are truly in love with God who've lived here their whole lives and that's brilliant. But there are so many churches here that it's easy to just pick one and stick with it, whether or not you really see it doing anything in your life or aiding you in your walk with God, and this ends in churches full of inauthentic faith; it makes me really sad.
I doubt that everyone in the church was thinking the same as me, after all I was sitting beside a woman who'd been a member for fifteen years, and I'm not saying that I'm better than this church or that I'm too smart for their teaching, and I also doubt that the sermon was wasted on everyone (there were probably plenty who needed to hear it), but it just wasn't the place for me. I want to go somewhere that I can truly see and feel the Holy Spirit moving, a church where people are truly passionate about the God they say they worship.
All prayers towards me finding a good church home would be appreciated.
x
I'm not saying Scotland is some sort of perfect land of milk and honey, or that the church I was a part of had it all right, but I believe that what it did have was authenticity. I believe that the people I saw there on Sunday's truly wanted to be there and had a fire burning within them that I just haven't seen here yet.
This morning I went to a new church, and after a reasonable amount of people had filed in through the door and the minister had said good morning I felt quite underwhelmed. Firstly, the children weren't included in any part of the service. I think it's so important that they are a part of the body of the Church from the very start of their lives, and not just sent off to a hall before the service starts. After all, Jesus said "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Luke 17:18) We need to learn from children and I think they should be made to feel a part of the body from as young as possible. Plus, it totally loosens up the congregation to get them all involved in silly action songs (which actually hold a lot of really important meaning). The worship band was great but as I looked around I saw very few people singing or even looking like they wanted to sing; music is an incredibly important part of worship for me and it's hard to do that passionately when the people around you are apathetic. We're meant to be a community, a family, and we need to be encouraging each other. The sermon was nice; yes, nice. The intentions were good but it was everything I'd already read by authors like Francis Chan and Philip Yancey, but not nearly as in-depth. I also felt that, after reading out the relevant passage, the speaker hardly ever referenced it again or made any other references to other areas of the Bible; how are you encouraging your congregation to read their Bibles more if you spend little time doing this from the pulpit?
It was comfortable; I'm not looking for comfortable.
I'm looking for a sermon that makes me question how I'm living, that makes me wonder more about God, that makes me realise that, as I learn more, He gets bigger and I get smaller and smaller. I think the problem in Northern Ireland is that people have become very comfortable. We call ourselves a "Christian country" (whatever that means) but what we really have are good values; that isn't Christianity. We might give the most to charity out of all four countries in the UK but what is that when we're not pushing ourselves in our faith, really delving deeper into the gospel of Jesus and challenging ourselves to learn more about Him, putting ourselves in situations that we don't necessarily want to be in?
I think the sad fact is that we've lost our authenticity. The only reason I am where I am with God right now is because I got completely thrown out of my comfort zone and made a lot of bad choices because I was so afraid and lost; I was lifted out of this tiny country, where I was able to go to church with my parents and not really get to know anyone, and set into one where I had to put in all the effort I had to meet Christians. It was in that place where I fell head over heels in love with Jesus, where I realised my faith was not one of "pick 'n' mix", but entirely one of "all or nothing". I discovered that I simply couldn't live without God, that it would be entirely impossible to make any sort of move without Him, without the support of His body. I'm not saying everyone in Northern Ireland has a useless, weak faith, because I have plenty of friends and family members who are truly in love with God who've lived here their whole lives and that's brilliant. But there are so many churches here that it's easy to just pick one and stick with it, whether or not you really see it doing anything in your life or aiding you in your walk with God, and this ends in churches full of inauthentic faith; it makes me really sad.
I doubt that everyone in the church was thinking the same as me, after all I was sitting beside a woman who'd been a member for fifteen years, and I'm not saying that I'm better than this church or that I'm too smart for their teaching, and I also doubt that the sermon was wasted on everyone (there were probably plenty who needed to hear it), but it just wasn't the place for me. I want to go somewhere that I can truly see and feel the Holy Spirit moving, a church where people are truly passionate about the God they say they worship.
All prayers towards me finding a good church home would be appreciated.
x
Thursday 31 May 2012
The little things, and how they make the big, scary things better.
Since coming home I've been pretty worried about money. As I'm currently unemployed and can't get a job until at least October I've been a bit nervous about the whole thing but God's really been answering my prayers. Whether that be in my parents giving me money for the train or friends unexpectedly paying for my coffee or sharing their tray bake with me, it's been so nice. The little things all add up so quickly, but it hasn't just been the little things.
Today I bought a bike.
Originally I'd given myself a budget of £150 and hadn't even thought about second hand, but a few pals told me definitely not to get a new one and suggested places to find decent second hand ones. I managed to get a really good one for an amazing price and tonight I had some cycle banter with a good friend.
But the best part? I didn't even pay for it myself.
I have a great Gran. Myself, my brother and my cousins are all in our twenties but she still saves "pocket money" for us, and today, totally unexpectedly, she gave me more than enough money to cover the cost of the bike. I was kind of over the moon.
I prayed about getting a bike but was sort of afraid God would think it was one of those shallow prayers along the same lines as a kid asking Him for an X Box. But I guess my reasoning was pretty legitimate; I can't drive, I went to keep fit, and I want to gain more independence before real life really starts.
Even tonight He used the bike to encourage me to trust in Him even more. My friend and I cycled to Groomsport, a village about 2 miles away from where I live. On the way there my foot kept cramping up and there were a few shaky moments when I was worried I was a bit screwed. My footwear choice was most definitely the problem, but I couldn't change that before getting home again. So after a bit of a break in Groomsport we started to cycle home and I prayed for a wee bit, and y' know what? "The foot" (as I kept calling it) was 100% fine, didn't cramp up once. On top of that I had a lovely chat with my pal while we were sitting waiting for "the foot" to sort itself out.
Things in N.Ireland are certainly getting better and God is in all of it. June should be a good month :)
x
Today I bought a bike.
Originally I'd given myself a budget of £150 and hadn't even thought about second hand, but a few pals told me definitely not to get a new one and suggested places to find decent second hand ones. I managed to get a really good one for an amazing price and tonight I had some cycle banter with a good friend.
But the best part? I didn't even pay for it myself.
I have a great Gran. Myself, my brother and my cousins are all in our twenties but she still saves "pocket money" for us, and today, totally unexpectedly, she gave me more than enough money to cover the cost of the bike. I was kind of over the moon.
I prayed about getting a bike but was sort of afraid God would think it was one of those shallow prayers along the same lines as a kid asking Him for an X Box. But I guess my reasoning was pretty legitimate; I can't drive, I went to keep fit, and I want to gain more independence before real life really starts.
Even tonight He used the bike to encourage me to trust in Him even more. My friend and I cycled to Groomsport, a village about 2 miles away from where I live. On the way there my foot kept cramping up and there were a few shaky moments when I was worried I was a bit screwed. My footwear choice was most definitely the problem, but I couldn't change that before getting home again. So after a bit of a break in Groomsport we started to cycle home and I prayed for a wee bit, and y' know what? "The foot" (as I kept calling it) was 100% fine, didn't cramp up once. On top of that I had a lovely chat with my pal while we were sitting waiting for "the foot" to sort itself out.
Things in N.Ireland are certainly getting better and God is in all of it. June should be a good month :)
x
Thursday 24 May 2012
Plans, and how we have options.
It's currently 9:11 am and I have been awake for approximately 56 minutes.
Life is so truly beautiful at the minute. Today is the first day in which a large part of my day, the morning, has been free and open for me to just hang out and do nothing. Tomorrow, packing to move back to Northern Ireland for a little while begins, but this morning I get to just chill.
Last year, if I'd stayed in Stirling for an extra 16 days after finishing, I know that my life would've been a lot more dull and the people I spent time with would've been a lot less beneficial to my life. But the past two weeks have been so busy and so full of amazing fellowship. There hasn't been a single day which hasn't been full of plans. I've been so busy that I've only just noticed the massive patch of beautiful blue flowers that have sprung up outside my window!
And I've liked it like this. I've liked that God has made my life completely busy and crazy because it's helping me to say goodbye, it's stopping me from sitting and being sad about leaving, it's like the last hurrah for student life.
The past four years have been privileged in that I've known exactly what was coming up when each one ended; but this year I don't know what's coming up in September. I don't have a job lined up or, currently, any big plans set in stone.
But I'm working on it; and because of that I can safely say God has got this. Too many people think that if you just wait around God will drop plans into your lap, but this isn't the case. Yesterday on Twitter, Donald Miller posted this:
Life is so truly beautiful at the minute. Today is the first day in which a large part of my day, the morning, has been free and open for me to just hang out and do nothing. Tomorrow, packing to move back to Northern Ireland for a little while begins, but this morning I get to just chill.
Last year, if I'd stayed in Stirling for an extra 16 days after finishing, I know that my life would've been a lot more dull and the people I spent time with would've been a lot less beneficial to my life. But the past two weeks have been so busy and so full of amazing fellowship. There hasn't been a single day which hasn't been full of plans. I've been so busy that I've only just noticed the massive patch of beautiful blue flowers that have sprung up outside my window!
And I've liked it like this. I've liked that God has made my life completely busy and crazy because it's helping me to say goodbye, it's stopping me from sitting and being sad about leaving, it's like the last hurrah for student life.
The past four years have been privileged in that I've known exactly what was coming up when each one ended; but this year I don't know what's coming up in September. I don't have a job lined up or, currently, any big plans set in stone.
But I'm working on it; and because of that I can safely say God has got this. Too many people think that if you just wait around God will drop plans into your lap, but this isn't the case. Yesterday on Twitter, Donald Miller posted this:
People who believe God has a distinct plan for their lives may simply fear the responsibility of shared agency. He is not a dictator.
For a long time now I have very much believed that God gives us different paths to choose from in each situation in life. Some of these paths will be in dark valleys while others will be on mountain tops, but, either way, he will use them for good. There are so many things I could do with my life after university but whatever I choose, God will work within those plans.
I'm excited for this. I'm excited about the fact that God knows my options, and where I'm going, and that it's all set out already, I just need to find it.
x
Saturday 19 May 2012
Jesus, how He is our hiding place, and rejoicing always.
When our hearts hurt it's easy to be angry with God but I think, for the first time, I don't want to do that; I did not choose God, He chose me, which means that His love is true and real. I'm the broken one, the messy one, the inherently sinful one, and yet He still loves me. In the midst of this storm He is the calm, He is my hiding place, He is the eagle wrapping its great wings around me, covering me in His love.
He is the only constant thing in my life, He is my steady, faithful companion. Humans come and go; some stay for a long time, while others disappear after just a few days, but He is always there, always chasing after us, calling us back to Him when we stray too far. He is the reason I got out of bed this morning and the reason that I will do the same tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.
He is the reason that I will "rejoice always" (Thessalonians 5:16) and He is the only one who can truly bring me through this and eventually make my heart light again; I am head over heels in love with Him and He feels the same about me, if not more so. Clinging to Him at this time will make me a stronger, more well-rounded, better person, someone who does not need to trust in humans to get through the tough stuff but who truly knows what it is to cling to their Saviour.
I don't like heartache, but I like Jesus an awful lot and I think He's got this one sorted already. All I need now is some time.
x
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